Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more”. -Erica Jong
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love”. -Neil Gaiman
This is ridiculous! I am by nature a lonely bastard who has never had much experience with the opposite sex. I have never had a girlfriend save one older girl in middle school who took pity on me and decided to start a relationship made of nothing but sitting together and making flirty and cute exchanges. I have been a cynical hetero for as long as I remember and I never cared about having a relationship with a woman…until now
I can’t explain why all this relationship stuff concerns me now. It may be all the opportunities I let fall from my grip. It may be my fear of becoming an obsessive, alpha-male, maniac. It may be a drop of hope and kindness I want to feel. It may be my curiosity of women which I have barely explored.
All that matters is that I don’t want to wait, I don’t want to change sides, and I don’t want to quit. I want to explore. I want to take a more exciting path than the one I follow now. I hope I take the right turn.
Comments
One response to “Catching the Worst Bug of All.”
I think this is a general problem that many progressive people face. Good luck! I would say I’m in the same boat. It’s painful and difficult sometimes, but nothing much can be done – except keep looking and keep being honest. Because once you stop being honest with yourself you end up making stupid mistakes you regret with all the wrong people!!!!